March Madness 2012

Every year I send a message to all my friends that prepares them for the coming of March Madness. It’s one part poetic, one part apocalyptic and 100% self-aggrandizing nonsense. In lieu of the same this year, I instead submit a top-ten list of the compiled excuses to leave work on these most epic of sporting days.

10. My child is staring in a play at school.

9. I have a dentist appointment to fill an abscessed tooth.

8. I have to renew my cell phone contract.

7. My nephew is training me in how to use Excel.

6. I’ll be on a long list of sales calls all day.

5. The transmission fell out of my wife’s car.

4. This is the Jewish holiday of Yomashana. You didn’t know I was Jewish?

3. The dog swallowed my son’s Beyblade.

2. The pipes burst in my basement.

And the number one reason for missing work to watch March Madness…

1. I’m getting a vasectomy—I’ll be out all week!